The Toilet- Private Investigator

Admittedly, this topic can make some people a bit…squeamish. Your toilet has the potential to save your life if you observe all the clues it is telling you!

You see, I feel the toilet gets a pretty bad rap with things. It is a topic that most people don’t feel comfortable speaking about, let alone with their provider.

Fret not, I am going to try and break down the barrier that exists with our bodily fluids so it could help diagnose and treat life-saving conditions.

That is not a typo. What your poop and pee tell providers is almost invaluable in its accuracy and clues us in on how to fix the issue.

If only our toilets could talk…we could learn so much about someone and forgo the time trying to play detective of our own.

Code Brown, We Have A Code Brown

Let’s cut to the chase. We are going to talk about poop.

Everyone poops.

If you don’t, you would die. That’s clear, cut science.

What can your poop tell us? Well, almost everything in fact!

The size, frequency, shape, color, smell, and texture are all vitally important in understanding the inner workings of our body.

For example, if you look at your toilet after raising the toilet seat and you see a shotgun spray of fecal matter in the back of the toilet- we have some serious things to discuss.

That could mean complications with what you ate, your intestinal integrity, potential food allergies, or an upset stomach.

The smell can also be a good indicator of a methane or hydrogen imbalance. Generally, our poops should NOT have a toxic smell to them.

Granted they are waste products of the foods we eat, but if those foods are terrible, to begin with, we can expect our poop to smell particularly awful.

For someone who eats REAL foods, their poop has the slightest off-putting stench, rather than someone who can clear out a room.

If your poop is dark and tarry, we could have some life-threatening intestinal bleeding. The same goes if we have bright red blood in our toilet bowl, you could have a bleed in the large colon.

When you wipe and there is blood, that is a bad thing as well. It could potentially mean you have hemorrhoids. Those can be from a diet that is lacking soluble and insoluble fiber, adequate water intake, or possible trauma.

What if you are having shotgun spray every hour? Well, that sounds much like irritable bowel disease, Crohn’s, and/or ulcerative colitis.

Have you ever had a white poop? I hope not! That would indicate that our gallbladder isn’t functioning appropriately and could require immediate surgery.

Do you feel like you could wipe for days and still see poop on the toilet paper? Maybe consider adding some insoluble and soluble fiber to bulk up the poop and save a tree:)

Diarrhea? Perhaps it was something you ate, perhaps it is a virus or bacteria. Excessive diarrhea means there is irritation to the intestinal lining and your body does a large peristaltic push to excavate the offender.

Keep in mind that you can become severely dehydrated if you are having excessive diarrhea since you are pooping it all out.

Ever had some floaters? Yeah, that is a thing too! Floaters generally mean you aren’t getting enough fiber or are making poor dietary decisions.

Our poops should be dense, smooth, and brown. That consistently shows us a sign of good health and intestinal integrity.

Pooping only every 3rd or 4th day? Feeling backed up and bloated? Add in water, fiber, and exercise.

This list could literally go on and on about how informative our bowel habits are. And our toilets quietly sit there and take all these hidden clues.

But that is just about poop- what about pee?

Ready, Aim, Pee!

Poop can’t take all the credit here. Our pee tells us a whole slew load of disease processes that could potentially be very life-threatening.

Our pee should be light yellow to clear in color, have no smell, and free of blood, mucus, or sediment.

If you live with boys, the evidence is presented almost daily on the toilet seat or on the outer rim as it drips down to the floor.

Pee stains that are very dark amber in color let us know that you are pretty dehydrated and need to increase your WATER consumption- not soda.

If your pee is tea-colored or extremely dark, you could be in a life-threatening condition called rhabdomyolysis that risks the health of your kidneys.

Blood could indicate kidney disease, prostate disease, or bladder infection.

Foul odors could be indicative of upper or lower urinary tract disease. Mucus or sediment can indicate infection and should be investigated.

Going frequently or dribbling after you urinate could be a sign of prostate enlargement or infection and needs further investigation into the cause.

Going infrequently could indicate dehydration, particularly if the pee is amber and stings a bit when you pee.

That means that the specific gravity could be high, there could be ketones and bilirubin that indicate you need to pound that water!

I hope it should go without saying that if it hurts when you poop and pee, please get that evaluated ASAP.

As I said, if our toilets could talk, it would make diagnosing health issues a drop in the bucket, so to speak.

There are clues all around us and our bodies are ALWAYS talking to us. We need to learn how to not shut it out and mask the symptoms with medication.

That is not the answer. Solving the problem is the answer and many of us don’t want to be bothered. For the few that want to maintain their health and longevity, please start paying attention to what your body is saying.

Have those uncomfortable talks with your provider and let them know what is going on in your throne. Health and longevity starts in the stomach.

Interpreting what your body is saying is something highly qualified people go to school for.

Tell them what is going on so they can get you happy and healthy again.

Be strong. Be brave.




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Scott Braver

Scott Braver

Fascinated with bettering myself and others

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